[Do] "Is it Safe to Allow Cabbages on Roller Coasters?"

by Peter Aronson

This is a letter for use in playing Do: Pilgrims of the Flying Temple.

Popsicore Worldwide Family Theme Parks, Inc.
Dear Monks,

I'm probably not the guy who should be writing you about this problem, but my boss, George, has locked himself in the executive bathroom with a case of gin and won't come out. Not that I blame him, except, you know? I do. Still I can understand.

Things were pretty simple here at the Popsicore Park until recently. We sold tickets and junk food, kept the rides running and park clean (a big job that, what with the rides, kids and junk food). I mean it was hard work, yeah, but not exactly mentally taxing if you know what I mean.

When the Sky Cabbages first came to our world it didn't make much of an impact here. Yeah, it was pretty weird that our world was being visited by six-foot-around talking sky cabbages, but it didn't have anything to do with the daily round of repairs, cleanup and crowds. Not even when a bunch of crazies called "The Coleslaw Front" started attacking the sky cabbages at random with bombs and machetes. But then the cabbages discovered than they loved amusement parks. So they started showing up in droves. So of course they showed up here at Popsicore Park.

That gave us with a number of problems. First, since they were six-foot high, the cabbages are tall enough for all of our rides. But they're also six-feet wide, which is a bit of an issue. We could have simply have turned them away, but the sky cabbages waved a lot of money at George (who began to develop a bit of a twitch at this point), so he signed some sort of contract with them and told me to figure something out.

Well, most of our rides are based on a standard cart design. I figured that if we replaced all the seats with a padded floor and sides and added some extra safety straps, we could accommodate one sky cabbage per cart. I told George this, and he told me to change over a quarter of the carts on each ride to carry cabbages. (At this point his twitch got noticeably worse.)

Well, we closed for three days in midweek for the changeover, and planned to reopen on this Friday with a big ad campaign about how we were now "cabbage friendly." George figured since a lot of people were curious about the sky cabbages, so we'd pull in a lot of regular people, too. And he'd probably have been right, too, if the High Slicer of the Coleslaw Front hadn't gotten on the radio somehow and broadcast a threat to send a thousand thugs with machetes to slice up the cabbages if they dared show their, ah, leaves, at our park.

Well, just as George had decided to not open the park on Friday after all, a delegation of cabbages showed up, waving the contract George had signed and told him in no uncertain terms that they weren't afraid of the Coleslaw Front, and if the park wasn't open on Friday, they'd sue.

That's when George went out and bought the gin and retreated into the bathroom, leaving me in charge. This leaves me with two big questions I was hoping you guys could help me with: first, do I open the park or not tomorrow; and second, even with the modified cart, is it safe to put a giant cabbage on a roller coaster?

Thanks for your help! I'll stick this letter in a helium balloon and let it go -- with any luck it'll float to your temple in time.

Hazel Harrington,
Chief of Maintenance
Popsicore Park

Goal Words
"a thousand thugs"
"executive bathroom"
"Hazel Harrington"
"Hazel Harrington"
"Hazel Harrington"
"modified cart"
"Popsicore Park"
"six-foot tall”
"six-foot wide”
"talking Sky Cabbages"
"talking Sky Cabbages"
"The Coleslaw Front"
"The Coleslaw Front"
"The Coleslaw Front"


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